Mothering

Of all the things I've chosen to do, mothering has been my heart from the time I was small.  I always wanted to be a wife and mother.  I remember telling my own mom, that I wanted to grow up to be just like her.  Nothing more, nothing less.
Oh, there were times I wanted to be other things.  Life circumstances would motivate me to investigate nursing, physical therapy, teaching, even midwifery.
But looking back, none brought the satisfaction as did mothering my own children.  It was something I believe God planted in my heart and brought about.  It is something that has brought me great frustration, but once you set out on this road, there is no turning back.  I have had to slog on when I was tired, frustrated, disappointed, unprepared.
There have been times of deep sorrow and pain.  Experiencing miscarriage a few times made me empathize with others who experienced lose.  Then losing the baby boy we so longed for and nurtured through difficult early days and months was almost more than I could bear.  That first year was difficult as we worked through our grief.  But my husband, my children and my God continued to comfort and inspire me to reach out and work through the darkness.  Tears are for a night, but joy comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5)
These children God has blessed me with have brought us great joy and sometimes deep grief.  Letting our children go and make their own way in life, watching them struggle with their own decisions has not always been easy.  But seeing them triumph has it's own satisfaction as well.  Seeing them reach back to God and grow taller, stronger indicates God's love is stronger than mine.
Sometimes being a mother is the hardest job on earth. It is a life of giving.  God has worked on my character through these children.  God took an immature young woman and molded her.  I haven't always been what I should be.  I've been impatient, impulsive, even thoughtless sometimes.
But in the end, I am more than I was,  because of these blessings!  I have changed and grown because of this journey.
As I have learned, there are consequences to all decisions, good and bad.  But having children was one of the best decisions.  I would not change a thing; not the choice to bring 3 daughters and 4 sons into the world or the choice to be a stay-at-home mom.
I feel overwhelmingly blessed by having the opportunity to raise them to serve the Lord.  They are grown and 5 of the 6 are married with children of their own, whom I love beyond belief.  I still pray for my children daily that they will continue to follow God in all things and that they will raise their own children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Mothering. . . unlike the cynical Judy Collin's song, Both Sides Now, it's not the illusions of life I recall, but the accomplishment of doing 'what I could.'  I hope that God will see me as I approach the gates of heaven, and say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."